Casting Croutons

Imagine croutons as the important, who's who names that people often toss about. These people often believe it's "who you know," rather than "what you know," that gets you in the door or keeps you in the game. I guess they are the proprietors of cronyism basically. I find humor in people like this, especially when over the course of time the listener realizes that it's the same four or five names that that person keeps bandying about. Also, the names are ones that the crouton-tosser rarely knows in depth, has read extensively, or understands etc. The problem with this is that they continue to sound impressive to most people they meet because of the name tossing. It's only those of us who are around these folks more often that realize what their game is. Have you ever run into anyone like this? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy croutons as much as the next person, but a salad made solely of croutons lacks, shall we say, fiber? substance? Croutons should be a compliment to the salad, working in tandem with the other ingredients, not the sole flavor. Croutons have a tough time masking the lack of other ingredients.

I'm Just Sayin'...

Let's philosophically ponder this photo...
I'm sure there is plenty of documentation out there in marketing classes and whatnot about how grocery stores set up their displays. How they decide what category of food to place next to another. Here's one. And another. And this one, read item #9. Just seems like if you're trying to make healthy choices that this is just one more strike against you.

This Too Shall Pass...

Perhaps I’m the only one that thinks like this, but I doubt it. Yesterday I walked into the restroom at a nicely appointed mega bookstore in my city. I was shocked to hear a woman at least my age – 40ish- talking on her cell phone while she was in the stall. This further surprised me because of the woman’s age, although now that I ponder this, all the times I’ve heard someone talking on their cell phone in the restroom it’s been middle-age-ish women. Hmmm… It also surprised me because the stalls were all occupied. No longer does there remain a final bastion of privacy when outside one’s home.

After noting my surprise , I had this terrible urge…to make incredibly loud, fantastical gas-passing noises that her phone buddy could hear and then know where exactly she was. I believe most folks who talk on the phone while using the facilities do not fess up to their location. But ya know, it’d be hard to misinterpret some sounds, such as the aforementioned and the sound of a spasmodically flushing toilet. Unfortunately, I had never learned to make quality fart noises via my arm-pit, I suppose that’s because I’m female, and I didn’t really want to startle the woman waiting patiently (and quietly) in line behind me so I refrained. But some day, SOME day, I just think it would be hysterical to try and see what ….comes to pass. Not surprisingly, there’s a bunch about this topic out on the web. Here’s one… http://www.snopes.com/embarrass/mistaken/stall.asp

Virtuous Vegetables

Yep. "Morel Mushrooms." Now I've seen it all - "Moral" mushrooms of course would have a much higher price than just regular, mere average mushrooms. Now we know the sale bin in the produce section would be comprised of the "immoral" 'shrooms. Poor things, their poor choices in life just led them down the wrong road... What's next? Righteous rhubarb? Or courteous croutons? Scrupulous squash? When will it end?????

Some of the Most Frightening Words to Hear as a Parent...

"Guess what I just found in the bathroom??????"

My son said this as he returned to the dinner table tonight. My husband and I looked at each other with a fair amount of unabashed fear in our eyes. The things that went through my mind had to do with bodily fluid accidents via one of our 3 pets... I'm afraid to ask what my husband's guess was. Luckily, and with a huge sigh of relief, our son answered his own question when he heard none from us. "A cricket!" Whew. And it was even still alive... imagine that.

Fun at the Book Sale

Somehow I just found this to be really funny as we were somberly purusing the great expanse of tables of books at the local friends of the library book sale today. It makes it seem like the books are children and need looking after. Reminds me of the local pizza place that has a sign that says, "Unattended children will be sold into slavery!" Which I find equally as entertaining since I've never seen them address a child's behavior in the 15 years I've been going there. I guess the sign(s) work!

Horshack!!!!!

I'm sure this phenomenon occurs at home with children, but I see it only at school, I mean, er, work. Today we read Officer Buckle and Gloria to go along with our lessons on plot. Students had their input here and there in the discussion. I called on one young man who was dying to have his say. So, what earth-shattering pithy substance did he share? Here it is...

"I..." mouth twitch "well..." blink, blink, blink "this one time..." changes foot he's sitting on "my dog" hooks index finger inside collar and pulls to twice his head circumference "Can..." squinching up of lips on one side of mouth (cricket sound inserted here.) "they really..." looks at fellow student who is getting SLIGHTLY impatient "do flips like that?"

Then me thinking, "Oh, I'm sorry... you had a question? or a story? You lost me during the eye blinks." I think this was when I began to snore and drool..... Class discussion at this rate goes VERY slowly. Luckily it doesn't happen often. Must've been some glitch in his brain wiring at that moment, 'cause Lawd knows! he chatted NON-STOP the remainder of the day!

Things That Make Ya Go Hmmmmm....

Today I was stopped in downtown rush hour traffic and was puzzled by what was in front of me. It was a very tricked out motorcycle - with a handicap license plate. Hmmmmm...

I'm Still-Standin' - Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

A fellow teacher said to me today, about a student who appeared to be on another planet when told directions, "You've got to be REALLY still to have the whole world revolve around you." I laughed at this insight at the time, but now I see how deep this really is.

People who "expect" the world to revolve around them are often some of the most stationary people. They often are the ones stuck in the past, or lazy, or un-aware, etc., etc. Those of us who are too insanely busy to be still but for the few lone moments before we pass out on our beds at night, realize the insanity in expecting anyone to revolve around us. We consider ourselves lucky when we don't get a flat driving around and around doing the revolving ourselves. But we revolve around ideas, not people. We revolve around the ideal that we will be successful, or that we will do everything possible for our loved ones, or that we will do the best we can that day and leave the next day's expectations to fate. So, although I'm thankful for the few moments I get when I can be still, I realize that it's action that "makes the world go 'round," so-to-speak.

Out of Range

All right!!!! I hadn't done any vocalizations with the piano in eons. But, since I was auditioning that evening for a local theater production, I figured I oughta. And wow! I knew that women's voices mature as they age, but wow! a whole step higher in range than in college? How unexpected!

Then truth set in, I tried some of the notes on the piano as I listened to the itunes accompaniment on the computer. My range hadn't expanded by a whole step after all... my piano was a whole step flat out of tune. Bummer. Ah well. Maybe it's time to tune up the old gal. The piano, that is.

Dramatic Restraint

Who would have known that one of the most important requirements for teachers would be to be able control insidious laughter from escaping through one's mouth or nostrils while conversing with students.

I found this a formidable challenge today while teaching a science lesson. I was guiding students through a joyful study guide and calling on random students to answer each question when all of a sudden I look up to call on the next random student and what do I see? Black marker caps stuck up a girl's nose! It really looked like black snot. Big, nasty, runny chunks of it. Oh my. Stifling a snort myself I calmly shook my head silently at her which is the universal teacher code for, "Are you freakin' kidding me???????" It was officially declared Friday at that point. I'm just hoping those markers were not from our class stash...

Let the Tornado Drill be Your Guide

Note to self for next fall when venturing to the mall for new school clothes for child...
Have child assume the official tornado drill position while trying on aforementioned potential new clothing. If said new clothing exposes more skin of a certain posterior body part while in official tornado position, remind self to NOT purchase said clothing. Shall we say together now parents and teachers alike, "Let's not let another student fall through the cracks!" There. I've said my piece.

Silly Putty Spends the Night

This morning my son said, "Mom, come check the silly putty in my bed." Needless to say I asked him to repeat what he'd said. Being intrigued, I ventured into dangerous territory... the bunkbeds. My son pulled back covers to reveal a molten puddle of silver goo stuck securely to his sheets, and pillow cases, and t-shirt that he'd slept in. Before I got hysterical I asked, "How did THIS happen?" He responded matter-of-factly, "I was playing with the silly putty in bed last night and I guess I got sleepy and fell asleep." Hmmmmm. Frankly it looked as if the Silver Surfer had had an accident in the bed. Slowly but surely I was able to stick the silly putty to itself and expunge it from the bedclothes. FYI: silver silly putty does leave behind a stain - thank God for Stain Stick! All's well that sticks together I suppose.